Singing Live

Last night I was invited to sing at an Open Mic night in Windsor.

I haven't sung in public for three years, so my nerves were just as bad, if not worse, than when I sang in public for the very first time.

I am envious of those who have the ability to be cool and calm before their performance. I also envy the way they can basically, expose their weaknesses in their songs, what makes them angry, and happy.

Maybe I'm a cold fish and need to lighten up.

Last night was very fun. First bloke who went up, who's quite famous in Windsor as the weird busker man, was of course great to watch.

His second song 'Bungo Bum' was hilarious and got the crowd (of 6) going.

Then it was my friends turn, he was brilliant of course, and played a brand new song. He wasn't nervous either.

Then the evening took slight turn towards poetry. Now I love poetry, and as someone who has done stand up comedy, I can reassure you talking to people and hold their attention is difficult.

The first poet to stand up was very artistic. His beard and hair seemed to merge into one like that of X Factor winner Shayne Ward. His stance made him look like he needed the toilet, he was obviously trying to be cool, but not, almost hipster style.

His first poem was about love, second one about the floods, and his third about an ex boss who he obviously held a grudge against.

He didn't really fit in with the small crowd, he would have fitted in a basement club in East London, but not in Windsor, in a church.

The musicians all had one thing in common, they enjoyed people listening to them, and had obviously gone through depression in their lives, if not still going through it. You felt their pain, and it made me want to just give them a hug a tell them it'll be OK.

They poured their heart and soul into the songs they sang, even though they were fully clothed, they were emotionally naked.

However they enjoyed showing you how vulnerable they had been at particular points in their life. Oh how I was envious of their enjoyment!

Another poet got up, once again, a very depressing beginning, about a friend who had sadly committed suicide the previous year, once again another soul laid bare for us all to gawp at. Thankfully his last two poems were more upbeat. Second being about the enjoyment of playing Ukulele's (I have one and completely agree), the other being about playing guitars.

Now it was my turn. My hands were clammy, I had to ask for a chair to sit on, as my knee's were shaking and making me look like a bad Elvis tribute act.

I put the guitar strap around, introduced the song 'Rotterdam' by Beautiful South, then started to play, as I began to sing, the mic stand decided it was going to turn away from me. So I pulled it back, and started again, and it happened again. WHY ME?!!! By now my legs were shaking so much I almost looked like I was having an epileptic fit.

The compare came up and tightened the mic stand, and I started again (third time lucky!)

I was surprisingly in tune, and found myself, at one point, lost in the music, and forgot where I was, only momentarily, but I did it, I got their!

For only a few seconds, I joined in their little bit of heaven, laying my soul bare in a song that I love. It almost felt like I had fallen asleep, and once I came back too, I remembered where I was and the shakes were immediately trembling my fingers on the fret board.

I finished, said thank you, smiled, and thankfully walked on the stage without falling over anything.

I have hit that little bit of heaven before, but it's always in my bedroom, when I'm alone, and imagining I'm on Wembley Stadium singing to thousands.

But when it comes to performing in front of actual people is whole different ball game.

Last time I tried stand up comedy, it was a failure of all failures, I forgot my name, my script, I felt sick. I came off after just 2 minutes, as I couldn't put the audience through any more awfulness.

I haven't done it since, not because that experience put me off, but my nerves can't take it. I don't enjoy feeling that sick before I up and try to entertain people.

However, last night, for the first time ever, I actually enjoyed it! (Even if it was only for a few seconds).